Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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