The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
