I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
