Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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