shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
