I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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