Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize