Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
