My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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