i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
