There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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