drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
