god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
