i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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