i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
