the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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