Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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