Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So many bounce houses so little time
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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