Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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