doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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