just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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