Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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