as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
