bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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