Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
