It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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