think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
