No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
