Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
where are you?
Hypothermia
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
