I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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