Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
