You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
