bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
