Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
