I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My vagina is officially offended.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
