very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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