I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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