just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
