somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
