Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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