So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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