He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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