I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
