K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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