By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
