I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
