clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
