I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
