Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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