There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
