You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize