I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
