This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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