My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
