were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
two words: eviction party
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
