You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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