Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
