Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
