I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
