he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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