3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Michael Bay diarrhea
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
