Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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