Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize