he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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