so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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