i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize