oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
