I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
