she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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