Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize