Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
