And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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